The Void

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There have been many times in my life that I’ve felt like the walking dead. Yes, I had an active pulse and lungs that were full of air, but on the inside I was empty. My life had become so routine. I would go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch some TV and then drift off to sleep. JUST to repeat the cycle all over again the next day. Sound familiar? It was at this moment that I became depressed. I found myself waking up out of a deep sleep in panic attacks, random moments of crying and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t shake. And guess what? No one knew. Somehow I believed that since I had a job, car, a roof over my head, food on the table and money in the bank I had no right to be depressed.

I would have a full out argument with myself about myself in my thoughts. Lol. I would think, “Ugh I am so bored with this job or I’m so unfulfilled here. “ Within seconds a new thought would emerge “HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! “Do you remember how many times you’ve been laid off from jobs??!! Or that one time you were on food stamps?!! Girl get a grip! “Suddenly, those feelings of uncertainty and emptiness would be archived to the back of my mind.

For about a year, the ups and downs of my emotional roller coaster persisted. Until one day I asked myself this profound question that seemed to come out of nowhere. Who am I? And what am I here to do? This question that I articulated to the universe lead to my own spiritual unfolding. What I’ve come to know is when you ask the universe empowering sincere questions, it will always give you an answer back. These answers often come in the form of intuitive whispers and subtle nudges that we often ignore.

You see, I’ve always had a secret love for reading and writing. It was a way for me to escape the uncertainties of life and gave me an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings. Those whispers would speak to me about finding my voice and to help people who were struggling with similar situations, like myself, through writing. But once again, the pessimist part of me arose with its unsolicited opinions like “girl, you’re not a good writer and no one will read nor care what you have to say”.

Here’s the thing people, anytime you’re not doing what your soul is calling you to do you become lifeless. Sleepwalking through life with no real purpose. Eventually, that lifeless feeling will turn into an internal void, and you’ll find yourself trying to fill that void with things outside of yourself. Outside things such as money, relationships, cars, clothes, jewelry, etc. Sometimes people will even unconsciously express this internal void with anger, manipulation, bitterness, and jealousy. You see, being out of alignment with your soul’s purpose will almost always lead to chaos and disorder in your life. I believe this type of disorder will eventually manifest into depression, diseases, and even death.

After years of ignoring the voiceless voice, from within, I decided to find my own voice by creating this blog that you are reading. Now, it is said that the more important the deed is to the soul the more resistance you will face. This couldn’t have been more accurate for me as I struggled with just creating my website. I bet I put it off for weeks at a time. But the moment I created the name for this blog, I felt a lightness in my spirit. You see the 29th year of life is when things began to shift for me. I got engaged, moved to another city and began asking myself questions like who am I and is there more to life. It was at this moment the vibe of my thoughts, words and personal deeds started to change. From there, 29th and Vibe were birthed.

“One of the huge mistakes people make is that they try to force an interest on themselves. You don’t choose your passion; your passions choose you.”- Jeff Bezos

I truly believe the energy of the universe, God, source or whatever name you give it wants to express itself through us! And can only express itself with our willing cooperation. Here’s what you must do to find your life’s purpose and finally fill the void:

1. Ask the question. The moment you begin to ask empowering instead of dis-empowering questions such as who am I? The universe will answer. And your quest will begin.
2. Listen. Your life is always speaking to you. Once you ask the question pay attention to the things in your life that come off as “coincidences”. Those coincidences and the voiceless voice will begin communicating with you in leading you to the next right step to your purpose.
3. Just do it. Nike got it right. Once you realize your purpose have the courage to take action in bringing your purpose to the world. Resistance will undoubtedly present itself, and when it does ask it to kindly move to the side because Momma or daddy has work to do!
4. Trust. Trust yourself and know that you are anything but average! And that you are capable to see, articulate and execute the vision.

Here’s what I know for sure. The Void or the emptiness, we all feel at times, cannot be filled from the desires of the egoistic personality. True fulfillment can only come from the desires of your soul. That part of you that lights up at the thought of making a batch of your famous chocolate chip cookies. Or the excitement and joy you feel from teaching 5-year-old their A B Cs. Whatever it is that you love doing and would do it for free is your soul’s desire and ultimate purpose. Don’t worry if that purpose doesn’t align with that of your mom, dad, sister, brother or friends ideology of success. This is your life! So live it. After all, you only live once, right?

Love & Light