On March 26th, 2021 I turned the Big 3-5 YALL. Whew!Not only does this birthday represent a milestone of making it to my mid-thirties but it almost feels like my becoming.
I once heard the Queen Michelle Obama say that the reason she named her book “Becoming” was because her journey is continually evolving. I feel this way as well. This 35th year of life feels like my continual evolution to wholeness.
I remember someone once said to me: “Tiffany, you did everything right! And in order. You’re doing life the right way.” In this moment I didn’t know whether to take this as a compliment or a moment to acknowledge my obsession for perfection. I’ve often played it safe, throughout my life, and made it a point to live a life in chronological order. I graduated from college, got married, had a baby and bought my first house. And in the order!
In a moment of clarity, I realized my quest for perfection was exhausting and that I didn’t want to do life perfect. I wanted to live a life that is whole.
“We come into this life not to be perfect but to be whole.” Tiffany Smith-Paul
What I’ve learned in these 35 years is that we didn’t come here to live this life in “order” but to be a whole human being. Here are some ways that will assist you in your journey to wholeness.
•Believe that you are enough. Other people’s opinions of you are nothing more than commentary. Just noise. Your current weight, income, residence, relationship status and job title is sufficient. – Making mistakes is inevitable but believing you are the sum total of those mistakes is optional. You are NOT your mistakes and are allowed to make several mistakes in this lifetime. Making mistakes is a prerequisite to learning anything new.
•State your needs and desires. The fastest way to cause an unbalanced and chaotic state of being is to repress what we need or want on the basis of causing an “inconvenience” to other folks lives. This state of repressed feelings can cause depression, anxiety and discomfort. So, for God’s sake SAY THAT SHIT! I promise you; you’ll feel so much better.
•Heal. Just like repressing our needs and desires, repressing any past or current trauma can be detrimental to our physical and mental state. Historically, mental health has been stigmatized and going to a therapist was only for “crazy” people. But with queens like Taraji P. Henson shedding a like on the importance of mental health, it’s becoming more accepted.
I believe that there are several aspects of our personality that are fragmented. Broken. Shattered into a million pieces of distorted beliefs. But little by little I believe we all have a grand opportunity to bring those pieces together and cultivate a masterpiece.
Love & Light